Friday, March 1, 2013

Children, From An Angel's Perspective

If there is one word that I would use to describe what many of us were focused on in February, it was the word forgiveness. It was as if we were taking all of the spiritual knowledge and wisdom that we knew in theory and decided as a collective to personally employ it in our lives. With many of us having finally released forgiveness, this unblocked negative energies and started the alchemical magic of opening doors of amazing opportunities to enter our lives. Anticipating very new beginnings for ourselves, we feel like we are at a crossroads between our past and our future. Many of us feel a freedom akin to being a child under the direction of our parents and longing to be independent to make our own decisions. And when that day finally comes to leave the nest, we step forth; no longer beholden to our past, and finally feeling liberated and all grown up. By forgiving ourselves and others, many of us have taken grown up responsibility for the roles that we chose to play in our present incarnation. By taking accountability for our part in the experiences that we have had with different souls, many can clearly see how we may not have respected ourselves and allowed others to take advantage of, disempower or dishonor us. With this in mind, the first 2 months of the year saw many drawing a proverbial line in the sand. By standing in our Truth, empowered, and all grown-up, many of us chose to take responsibility and no longer have dishonoring people in our lives. The Posse of Angels, my angelic family, is chiming in here and saying that the attrition rate of friends, even long standing friends, was enormous. For in this all important year of 2013, we can no longer be inauthentic in any area of our lives and allow anyone to disrespect us. But what happens when that person that is disrespecting and dishonoring us is ones’ grown child? I recently was presented with this question by a client who came for a healing session. Jean, not her real name, had told me that she had been a devoted loving mother to her daughter and she admitted that her daughter’s birth was one of the happiest days of her life. Yet along with the joy of motherhood, she also told me that had she endured an abusive marriage for 26 years because she did not want her child to experience a broken home. But after a lifetime of abuse, Jean finally honored herself and decided to divorce when her daughter was grown at the age of 20. Jean was prepared for the challenges she would have to face financially and emotionally to end her long standing marriage from her husband. But what she was not prepared for was the abuse and dishonor that came from her daughter. Jean said that although she was loving and respectful toward her daughter, her daughter hurled abusive comments at her and treated her with disrespect. Jean went on to say that the comments were so awful that she would not have expected this kind of behavior from her worst enemy. Through tear filled eyes, Jean said that several years ago her daughter chose to sever all ties with her and recently, she found out that her daughter was getting married and Jean was not invited to the wedding. Deeply downhearted that she would not see her only daughter wed, she asked how she could best deal with her daughter’s decisions without destroying her own soul. I answered Jean’s question in part, by reading her a portion from a book entitled, ‘The Prophet’ by Khalil Gibran. Written in 1923, this book is just as fresh and relevant in today’s world. In his section on children, he writes: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward, nor remains with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children, as living arrows, are sent forth”. I went on to explain to Jean that once the arrow is shot from the safety of an archer’s steady, guiding bow, the arrow must then fly forth on its own and has to deal with all kinds of things along its journey. Things like how the arrow deals with weather conditions or obstacles that blocks its’ path, are all unknown quantities, and can only be addressed once the arrow leaves the safety of the bow. And so it is with our grown children. They are not yours and the reason one is experiencing any kind of hurt, disappointment, or frustration with one’s grown children is that one is assuming some sort of expectation that should come from their child. Perhaps one assumes that with all that they sacrificed for their children and gave to them, they should act or speak in a certain way. My angelic family, The Posse of Angels is saying that there are no ‘shoulds’,’ no ‘have to’s’ or no ‘ought to’s’ in this world. The more we respect, honor and allow someone else, including our grown children, to walk their journey exactly as they choose, the more we free ourselves then to walk our journey; unencumbered by expectations. And while we allow them grown up freedoms in their choices, I told my client that if a grown up child’s behavior is not respectful towards us, then it would be highly beneficial to draw boundaries and set limits, and not allow the child to dishonor us in any way; just like we would do with any other person in our life. I explained to Jean that her daughter’s actions and what she says actually have nothing to do whatsoever with Jean. The anger, sadness and pain inside her child are emotions that she is choosing to replay and hang onto in order for her to be right, and to justify her disrespectful behavior towards her mother. I shared with her that I have counseled many divorced couples and families, and while it is not emotionally easy for anyone, in time with mutual respect, and open understanding, all parties have been able to move forward and honor each other’s choices. To help us allow our children to make their own choices, I pointed out to my client that is helps enormously to understand why that child is in our lives from a higher perspective. The Posse of Angels is reminding us that before we incarnated, each and every one of us met with the Etheric Council. This is a wise sage group of Ascended Beings who once lived on the Earth plane. Having had the benefit of experiencing a human life, they help us to write our contract for our incarnations in our Book of Life. As we begin our contract, we pick not only the souls that we want to be in our lives to help us learn our lessons; but we choose their characteristics as well. And though it is hard to believe, many times we will choose a soul’s characteristics to be in great contrast to our own. Our most important lessons often come as a direct result of having chosen someone with a deep contrasting character. These deep contrasts help to challenge and test us to see whether we will still forgive and love that person unconditionally. (Now, The Posse of Angels wants to make it very clear here that one does not have to accept or put up with someone’s damaging behavior in order to love and forgive them.) When I asked Jean to consider that she chose her daughters behavior to help her in some way, she actually started to smile. She said that in her abusive marriage, she never could speak up for herself and she was a silent victim. But she told me that from the moment her daughter could speak, the daughter was outspoken and forthright. Jean used to marvel at her young empowered daughter and she found herself wishing that she was more like her. I laughed and told her that many times, by our children we will be taught. But as our children become grown adults, they are just like the arrow that needs to go forth and fly unaided by the archer. Yes, we can give them love, support, and even the occasional kind hearted advice, but ultimately they are not our children. They are separate souls with their own Divine imprint and they need to have the freedom of choice that we struggled and pushed so hard for as young adults. Once Jean understood to let go of any expectations from her grown child, she felt as if a huge burden had lifted from her shoulders and experienced a new found freedom. And even with all of these angel insights, my client Jean will still not be at her daughter’s wedding; for she has no control over this. But what she does have control over is whether she chooses to destroy her soul with sadness or whether she chooses to send her daughter prayers of love, healing, and wishes for a blessed heavenly marriage. By sending her daughter these loving energies, Jean will be giving a beautiful gift, not only to her daughter, but to herself and to the Planet as well. Feeling so much better, more empowered and in control after our session, I told Jean that on the day of her daughter’s wedding to plan something special for herself. I suggested that she go out and celebrate not only the gift of motherhood that she chose, but to celebrate how much of a wonderful, loving mother she was to her daughter. And that, she has full control over. Love and Angel Blessings, Claire Candy Hough Writer Licensed Reiki Master/Teacher Angel Practitioner International Radio Host Author of "Angels of Faith" CEO of Angel Healing House Ph: +61 831.277.3716 SKYPE: candy.hough

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